The Promise of a Promise
by ShutUpAndPull
Summary: An entry for the Castle Ficathon Winter 2018: Kate accepted the task force job in D.C. and she and Rick haven't spoken since, but when he becomes the victim of a violent attack and she rushes to the city in its aftermath, will it pave the road back to one another? (Hint: Yes)
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Well, I'm finally tossing this battered hat into the Ficathon ring. This time around proved more difficult than I'd imagined (read: my wastebasket is full), and that was partly to do with the Caskett Easter egg I chose to drop into the piece (If you spot it, kudos to you. If you don't, I'll be sharing it at the end) and the constraints it necessitated-hence only the mini-Ficathon contribution. Face your challenges head-on, folks. You may not come away from them unscathed, but there's always something to be learned from them. Happy 2019 to all of you. May it be filled with words you love.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **A** nother one. Another one had arrived.

He'd had no time to prepare, no adequate rehearsal for the line he'd just been thrown, yet standing across the counter from his mother, Rick somehow managed to deliver an improvised performance she, an able actress in her own right, surely would've been proud of.

As though nothing was amiss, as though alarm hadn't instantly coursed through him when he'd seen it, he flipped casually through the rest of the day's pile of mail, all the while his heart was galloping like a thoroughbred.

It'd been five months of them, the envelopes wrapped around them having grown unsettlingly familiar, but the one clutched covertly in Rick's hand was different. Unlike the others, letter number thirteen had been sent to his home rather than to Black Pawn's offices, the long-established terminus for his fan mail, and thus its receipt had achieved the very effect he imagined its sender had hoped for: surprise, albeit for the sendee, not the welcome kind.

"Richard?" Martha had said his name more than once, though he only registered the last.

The blood-red paper dug into the curl of his palm with his effort to keep it hidden. Neither she nor Alexis knew anything of the letters' existence, and that was just as he'd wanted it.

"I need to take care of something," he said as he walked off for his office, and while Martha had sensed a definitive shift in his demeanor, she let him go without challenge. She'd done that a lot since Kate had gone off to D.C., granted him space, though not of her own volition. Keeping her nose out of things didn't much speak to Martha Rodgers's nature, but it was what he'd asked of her.

Sitting at his desk, Rick eyed the creases his fist had created, the hammered letters of the typewritten address that always seemed to flush too far to the right to ever be considered proper mail form, and he thought about lighting a match and burning the communication unopened-a powerful rejection of a misplaced infatuation. But that would never happen, and he knew it. He knew he was too damn curious a man for that.

Each of the envelopes had been adorned with one of a different variety, flowers the recurring theme, and, again, there it was, a sticker pressed to the seal at the back, that one a daisy, and with the image she rolled back into him like a wave.

Kate had adored daisies, and he her love for them, their unassuming beauty a mirror of her own, their simplicity a mask only the lucky could see behind. He'd bought them for her often, picked them with his own hand once or twice in some poetic attempt at romance-like that'd mattered in the end. She'd still left.

Rick tore through the flower, pretended there wasn't something deeper behind the deliberateness of the action, and pulled out what was folded inside. It was the same paper it always was, the same mechanical lettering that, at first glance, could be supposed rather impersonal if not for the nature the of words it pressed into the page.

 _#_

Dearest Rick, I've given you chance after chance. I've waited for you as patiently as I can. I know the other one is gone, so there's no reason we shouldn't be together now. That bitch never loved you like I do, and I see the way you look at me. I know you feel it, too. I know it. It's almost Christmas, Rick. Imagine how beautiful it would be to spend it together. You love Christmas and so do I. You're just wasting precious time is what you're doing. You're just playing games, and it's making me angry. I have your present already wrapped, and also one for Alexis. I almost gave it to her early because I was so excited about it. She has a break from school for the holidays soon, right? We can all celebrate. Oh, Rick, let's just hurry up and be a family. I love you so much.

 _#_

He read it four times, and his disgust grew with each pass. The previous twelve were tucked away in his desk and he dug them out. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd held on to them. He'd received his share of fan oddities over the course of his successful writing years, and he'd discarded most of it without a second thought, but there was something about those that'd felt different, and his time with the NYPD-with Kate-had certainly furthered his belief in the benefit of trusted instincts.

Beginning with the first, the one that'd come nearly six months before, he read them all again. Some were long, others but a few words, but none of the others had ever made mention of Alexis, and more than concerned or any of the other emotions the collection elicited, it enraged him to see her name there, to say nothing of the context.

His daughter was the most important thing in his life, the thing he cherished most, and one of the few things that'd brought him joy over the past twelve weeks and five days, and there was no way in hell some delusional lunatic with a sick fantasy was ever going to get anywhere near her. No. That was the breaking point.

 **xxxx**

Rick rolled out of bed late the next morning, having logged little in the way of actual sleep, but with a decision made about what it was he wanted to do. In some respects it'd been an easy one. After all, where else would he turn first but to those he knew, to the 12th? They'd always had his back, and despite the fact that his circumstance existed outside their professional purview, Javi and Kevin were, beyond all else, his friends.

Time had passed, though, and a lot of it. Once Kate was gone, so, too, was his reason for being at the precinct, and he hadn't been back since. He'd had intentions of keeping in touch, of course. They'd all had intentions, but intentions were just that, and now days had become weeks had become months. Maybe it'd been too long for him to just stroll into the place and ask for help like nothing had changed. Either way, he was about to find out.

"I'd ask you how you slept, but those bags under your eyes are the size of my Vuittons," Martha remarked upon his approach. "Shall I brew another pot or would you rather just drink the grounds straight out of the bag?"

On a normal morning, Rick probably would've chuckled, if only sarcastically, but it wasn't and he didn't.

"I have to go out. I'll stop on the way." He plucked his keys from the counter, slid on his sunglasses. The weather didn't call for them, but the swell of his eyes definitely did. "I don't know how long I'll be. Alexis is supposed to stop by after her morning classes. Tell her to call me when she gets here."

"I will do that, darling. Button up, all right? They said on the news the wind is whipping out there."

"Mother," he replied, firmer with the perceived flippancy of her response. "Make sure Alexis calls me."

In that moment, he suddenly felt beyond the often aloof son she'd come to encounter with Kate's absence, and Martha had no idea why or what'd happened, but if it had anything at all to do with Alexis, it would certainly be worrisome for them both. At present, she was his beacon in the fog.

 **xxxx**

Rick liked to joke about his fame as a writer, puff it up for a laugh now and then-a practice that usually earned him a roll of the eyes or an exasperated sigh-but his face did grace the jackets of some very successful books that sat on shelves all over the world, and had for a lot of years, and people did recognize and approach him because of it.

Even as someone in the public eye, though, whatever his true level of exposure was, he'd never experienced attention quite as personal and, therefore, as disconcerting as he was now. He just couldn't get it out of his head, seeing Alexis's name on that piece of paper. Even all those hours later, as he climbed in the elevator toward the floor that was now his past, it had his stomach in knots, the cup of coffee he'd detoured for virtually untouched.

The desk sergeant had sent him up to Homicide without need of announcement, and with both surprise and relief, he found both of his old teammates at work in the bullpen, though something in their arrangement had changed. Javi was sitting at Kate's desk, his personal items noticeably lined up along its edge, his jacket hung from the back of her chair, and a pang of envy hit with a jolt, like someone had a piece of her that he didn't. But what a foolish thought that was. He didn't have any of her, anymore.

"Shit, Castle, you scared me, bro," Javi said with a handshake and that half-hug men did. "Long time no see."

Kevin had heard the commotion and made his way over, jumped in with a grander gesture and an excitement he wore all over his face.

"It's good to see you guys, too," Rick huffed out as he attempted to free himself from Kevin's squeeze with his near-full coffee intact.

"Ryan," Javi hissed before punching his partner on the arm. "You are a married man and this is a place of business. Control yourself." He looked back at Rick. "And I didn't say it was good to see you. I said it's been a long time." He always enjoyed giving him shit. "Where the hell have you been hiding?"

"Yeah, Castle," Kevin chimed in, tending to the site of his future bruise. "What are you doing here? Murder someone and turning yourself in?" There was a hint of a laugh at his own attempt at a joke, but Javi abruptly stifled it with an eye.

Rick raised a hand when a familiar face passed by, and an ember flared up inside him. Being there again felt almost surreal, like he was in the midst of a dream he'd lived before, but without Kate it was more akin to a nightmare, like those months after she was shot and then disappeared because she couldn't be near him. He hated those fucking months. He hated that place without her.

"There's a lot of stuff to catch up on, I know, but there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Do you have a few minutes or…I can come back if now isn't good. I probably should've called first."

Javi heard the weight in Rick's voice, and thinking it might be easier, steered a one-on-one. "Ryan's working on a thing. Right, Ryan?" There really wasn't a question in the question, and his partner got that, gave a nod and went back to his desk. "I'm cool, though, bro. We can talk."

They closed themselves in one of the work rooms, one they'd been in together it seemed like hundreds of times before, and like the whisper of ghosts, Rick could hear old case chatter in his head-the guy with amnesia, the psychic, the vampire-he still carried them all. They were with him like the characters in his novels, and he strangely hadn't realized how prevalent a place in his memory they'd occupied until that moment.

"Yo, Castle." Javi managed to rouse him from his contemplation, but not without effort. "Where are you at?"

Rick slipped a hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out the letters. "Sorry, it's just, um, it feels a little bit weird being back here, I guess." Javi imagined he knew why, but didn't press. "Espo, I know you guys don't normally deal with this kind of stuff, but I know you've seen it and I trust your judgment. I just need an outside take." Rather than handing them all over, he slid only the most recent down the table. "That's the thirteenth," he said as Javi began to read.

"What the…? This is some sick shit, bro. There are a dozen more of these?" Rick flashed the stack. "How long has this been going on?"

"Almost six months. All of them came through Black Pawn with the rest of my mail except the one in your hand. It showed up at the loft yesterday, and I won't pretend that doesn't freak me out a little bit in itself, but I'm more pissed off because she talks about Alexis. That's why I'm here. That's the only reason I'm here. I don't care about me, but bringing her into it is just too far-I can't…"

"No, Castle, I get it," Javi assured him with a peek at his watch. "Look, Ryan and I have an interview coming in. Leave them with me. Let me take a look when I can get a good eye on them and then we can talk more." Rick dropped the pile on the chair between them. "And it doesn't matter what kind of stuff we usually deal with, okay? You're family. That's it."

Rick sat with the sentiment, recalled how Kate had referred to the four of them in the same way after they'd lost Montgomery in the hangar that night. Not a day went by that he wasn't reminded of her, even in his fight to avoid it, and there, within those walls, his mind was positively flooded.

"Have you talked to her?" He couldn't help himself. He couldn't stop himself. He sounded almost guilty asking.

"Sometimes, but it's been a while. Fed jobs come with some perks, but free time isn't one of them. I guess I don't have to ask." Javi got up, grabbed the letters. "I gotta say it's some pretty easy math on this one, Castle. Beckett was still around when this shit started. You never told her?" Rick's silence was enough of an answer. "You know, I always wondered what would've happened if you two had actually talked to each other all those times you should've," he said and moved for the door. "I'll call you."

There were a lot of things they should've done, and he didn't need Javi to tell him that. How many times he'd played over in his mind that day-the way it'd felt to hear her answer. He'd lost women, but he'd never lost a love like that, and it was a wound that seemed only to open, never to close.

His phone chirped, and he saw Alexis's name attached to the incoming text message and smiled. She confirmed her plan to meet him at the loft after her early classes, told him she hoped he was having a good morning and added a heart symbol. He typed his reply and closed the box, an old conversation between him and Kate still saved above.

 _I wish you'd just talk to me_ was all that was visible without opening it, but that didn't matter. He remembered every word.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **L** unch at the loft was just the two of them, Rick and Alexis, her available time limited before she had to be back on campus for a meeting of the newspaper staff, and he hadn't yet decided whether or not to tell her about the letters, but as close as the pair had always been, despite his effort to conceal his growing uneasiness behind a smile, it was obvious to her that he just wasn't quite himself. Of course, truth be told, he hadn't quite been himself since the end of the summer.

As fathers went, Alexis had been incredibly blessed. With her mother at a perpetual distance-however honest or dishonest her insistence that reality hadn't been of detrimental consequence-nearly the entirety of her life had passed solely under his watch, and there were few complaints of any significance she'd be able to cite if asked. He'd been everything she'd needed, and she wanted to be the same for him, especially in his rare periods of struggle.

"You always finish all your noodles. They're your favorite part," Rick observed aloud. "Are they okay? You can have the rest of my rice, if you want."

Alexis stopped pushing them around with her chopsticks and set the carton down. "No, thanks, they're fine. I'm just distracted, I guess. I'm at deadline for my article and I still haven't figured out how to end it."

Like father, like daughter, he thought-on both counts.

"I have written a thing or two in my time, you know, so if you want me to, I can take a look."

"Thanks, Dad, but I'll get it. You already have enough to do with your own stuff. Gram said you're late on your new chapters."

Rick tore open the plastic around one of the included fortune cookies, tossed it toward the takeout bag and missed with a scowl. "Did she now? Well, I heard your grandmother rehearsing for something this week, and _I_ say she should be more concerned about her own house than mine." With a crack, a spray of crumbs tumbled down the front of his shirt.

"Dad, be nice," Alexis scolded. "She's just worried about you. That's all." Grabbing a cookie for herself, she followed his lead. "I am, too. And, yes, before you say it, I know. You're fine, right?" she went on mockingly. "I don't know who you think you're kidding," she mumbled, tugging free the paper hidden inside.

Sometimes Rick wondered why he even tried to pretend, and he'd done it to himself. He'd cultivated exactly the kind of relationship with his daughter he'd always hoped for, and now he couldn't hide anything from her.

"Are you reading first or am I?" he asked, hoping to bypass any further inquiry on his current emotional state. "Fair warning, mine is gloriously stupid this time. This might be the day I take back the crown."

"You will never again wear the crown. Never," she replied in playful dismissal. "But, by all means, go ahead. Take your best shot. I could use a good laugh."

He cleared his voice deliberately and fired. "Mine says, 'If you're reading this, stop playing with your food and eat it.'" With a cocky flick of his brow, he pushed it across the table. "There is no way I'm losing with that."

Alexis gave hers another glance and her lips curled. "You have underestimated my skill at fortune cookie selection, once again, Father," she declared in a cartoonish voice. "The crown is on this head to stay, because the only thing mine says is 'Cookie' with an exclamation point."

Rick swiped it from her hand in disbelief, but it was true. "Unbelievable," he scoffed and crinkled up the paper. When he looked up, she was grinning widely, and he couldn't help but do the same. That was her power.

"Alexis," he said, his tone mismatched to his expression, "I know I don't have to tell you this, but when you're out alone off campus or even when you're at school, make sure you're careful, okay? Make sure you pay attention to the people around you, and just be aware of what's happening."

Even with everything he had going on, she found the admonition and its timing strange, but she knew the best course of action was to simply acknowledge and agree. With him, that would be her easiest and cleanest way out of a conversation they really didn't need to have."

"I am, Dad, and I do. I promise." She got up, gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for lunch, but I have to get back. I have my meeting and another class."

"I wish we could do it every day. Text me when you get there, okay? Yeah, yeah, I know, dads right?" he said when he spied the look she tossed him. "Humor me. I bought you noodles."

Alexis hugged him and left, even more certain there was something going on he wasn't telling her about.

 **xxxx**

Sometimes Rick still got lost in her face. Minutes would go by and he wouldn't look away, no matter what the rest of the world was doing around him. Over his time with her, he'd managed well to sidestep detection, but she had caught him a few times-a number nowhere near what he'd been guilty of-and as he sat there that afternoon in the corner of the coffee shop, Kate staring up at him from the screen of his phone, he found himself back inside one of those few times, the recollection so crisp, it felt as though they were still locked in that closet together at that very moment.

The blunt edge of the shelf along the wall forced an audible puff from his lungs when she backed his body up against it, the burn prompted by the unexpected impact quickly soothed by her warm mouth as it made contact with his.

They were in their place-if only on occasional loan from an unknowing 12th Precinct-a place they went to, a secret place, when days were hard, when they hungered for touch, when there was no other reason beyond the rush of it.

"Beckett, if this mop and I get any more acquainted, I might have to buy it flowers," Rick joked in a whisper as Kate's tongue sampled the skin of his neck.

"Why did you do that?" she asked before nipping his jaw with her teeth. "I told you not to look at me like that when I'm trying to work. I don't have time for this."

Rick's fingers drifted into her hair and he clutched a knot of it in his fist. "Seeing as you were the one that pulled _me_ in here, I'd say all evidence to the contrary, Detective. And, yes, before you ask, I did hope that dazzling pun might earn me some extra closet credit." With his free hand, he crept beneath the hem of her blouse, dipped just below the waist of her jeans but no further. "Will it?" he said, more a dare than a question.

All they had was a single bulb hanging from the ceiling, but where she had him pinned its soft light hit just right, the glisten off the target of her tongue's thorough attention prompting an impish smile.

"Pulled you? Right, like you weren't begging me with that look. Castle, you can't…" When his hand traveled lower and his thumb started, her words broke off, because every thought she had besides screwing him silly against that shelf suddenly disappeared.

"Oh, I can, and it definitely feels like you want me to." He'd picked up her wayward reprimand and run sideways with it, but Kate could formulate no retort. The methodical circuit of his exploration had her entire body humming under its spell. "But, I'm sorry," he said and stopped the motion. "I interrupted you. That was rude of me. What were you were saying? What can't I do, Detective?"

"You're such an ass," she huffed as her hands flew to his belt. "Ten minutes, Castle, that's it, and don't wrinkle my shirt like you did last time."

Rick reached an arm over his shoulder for the pile of rags behind him and tossed one over the top of the mop's handle. "So she doesn't get jealous," he wisecracked and then made matching work of her button and her zipper.

He felt the hand on his shoulder before he heard the voice that went with it, and he looked up to find one of the coffee shop's employees standing beside him with an empty mug in her hand. He recognized her right away, though she hadn't been the one to help him at the counter earlier, and as pleasant as he recalled she'd been in the past, he couldn't help but feel anger towards her for yanking him from his reverie.

"You're Rick, right?" the woman said, sounding certain she already knew. "I try to learn the regulars' names. They seem to like it, the personal touch."

"Rick, yeah." She had a name tag pinned to her shirt, and he did a double-take when his eyes landed on it. Twice, then three times, then four, he read it, and as a self-professed observer of the world, he could hardly believe he'd never noticed. I mean, Christ, it was even spelled the same way. "It is nice, Nikki, thanks." It felt weird to even say it.

"Can I get that out of your way for you?" Rick grabbed his empty, tried to hand it to her as she'd offered, but in just the time that simple action took him, her focus appeared to have drifted. "She's pretty," she remarked without context. "You love her."

He was sure of what he'd heard, and confused until he realized her eyes were fixed on his phone with Kate's image on the screen. Flustered, "I am finished with this," was all he said, leaving her comments unacknowledged in an effort to try and move her along. "Thanks."

She snatched the cup from his hand, gave him a "You're welcome" with something that wasn't sincerity behind it, but then her demeanor abruptly changed again. "I'll see you soon, Rick," she declared with a smile and walked away.

 **xxxx**

The shop had a website he called up while at his desk later, and along with what one might expect to find there-the story of its history, its menus, and its contact information, among other tidbits-its small band of employees was also featured, but, strangely, Nikki wasn't among the group.

Rick liked it there, and he'd visited frequently, with his mother, his daughter, even Kate when she'd stayed at the loft rather than going home to her own bed. It was a neighborhood place, quaint, absent the masses that crowded the chain he used to swing by in the morning near the precinct, and he was certain the woman had attended to him before. How else would she have known him?

He couldn't stop thinking about the name, about the chances it could be the very same as his literary heroine's and that he'd never have noticed it. It was too implausible a failing, too much of a coincidence for his brain to wrap itself around, and the voice he kept hearing in his head was Kate's, reminding him how rare true coincidences actually were.

Alexis was off skiing with friends for the weekend, a chance to blow off some steam before the lockdown for exams, which he'd verified and which did help to bring some ease of mind. He'd left a message for Javi, too, just to bounce the day's peculiarity off of him, and he was still awaiting his return call.

They'd spoken about the letters after his visit to the 12th, but without any directly expressed threats, without anything in them to work with as far as author identifiers, all Rick could really do, he'd been told, short of hiring personal security to follow him around-an option he found extreme, at that point-was practice vigilance and report anything unusual or any further contact.

"A buck for your thoughts?" Martha slid into the office wearing an expression of pure satisfaction and the shade of a garden rose, shoulder to shin, her hands filled with bags of all shapes and sizes.

Rare was a moment his mother wasn't a sight to behold-entirely purposeful on her part, to be certain-and that moment was no exception.

"It looks like you put quite a dent in Fifth Avenue, Mother. Are you sure you have a buck left to give? What, did you get a raise in your allowance or something?"

She dropped her assorted treasures where she stood and peeled off her new winter coat. "We're best of friends, already, aren't we?" she cooed at the cashmere hanging from her finger, before draping it across the nearby chair. "I rather enjoyed myself this afternoon, darling, yes, and why shouldn't I? Everyone should splurge on themselves now and again, especially when they've just scored a recurring role on the hottest new nighttime soap around."

"What? You're kidding! Mother, you didn't say a word about any audition for a new show." He pushed out of his chair and came around to give her a hug. "That's amazing news, congratulations. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"Thank you, Richard. I mean, it all just came together, really, and I know you've been, shall we say, preoccupied the last week or so. I figured it best to wait until I was sure."

Rick went back to his desk, the website's employee bio page still up on his laptop-preoccupied, Exhibit A. "It doesn't matter, Mother. You know I would've wanted to know," he said feeling a twinge of guilt with the parallel.

"And what's good for the goose, Richard..."

She and Alexis, both of them always knew.

"It's nothing I can't handle," he replied with hope of truth in his assurance, but when her fists hit her hips, he knew his attempt to placate had fallen short. "Okay, fine, it's just a thing with a fan who has sent some letters that have taken a turn toward…less than appropriate."

"And what exactly are we talking about here, lace underthings in envelopes, selfie-centerfolds? What?"

Rick scrunched up his face, though either of those scenarios would definitely be odd but preferable.

"God, Mother, no, and let's agree right now never to talk about lace anythings, okay? It's just not a good mother/son topic," he added with a shiver. "This person-this woman-seems to be under the misguided notion that she and Alexis and I can somehow be a family. The language has just escalated, recently."

" _Alexis_? She talked about Alexis, too? Oh, Richard, that is not-"

"I know, Mother. I know, and I haven't said anything to Alexis about it, not yet, so please don't. I'm not sure I even have to. I know she's already careful, but I reiterated that she needs to be aware of what's going on around her, whether she's at school or wherever. And there haven't been any threats, but I went to Esposito and Ryan about it anyway, just to see what they thought, and I'm doing everything I really can right now."

"Javier and Kevin? That's smart, yes, good. I know they've always been there for you. I only wish-" She caught herself before the name came out. It was one she hadn't spoken in a long time, but she thought of Kate every time she looked at her son, because she knew he was still carrying so much of her with him. "Please don't act like you're alone here, Richard. This and all the rest of it are what you have us for."

They shared a look of understanding before Martha gathered up her things.

"I'm very happy for you, Mother. I'm sure you're going to be great."

"From your lips, kiddo. Oh, and not to worry, if you hear any sobs coming from upstairs tonight, it's just me worshipping the positively divine gold pantsuit I bought. Who knows? Maybe I'll wear it to the Emmys next year," she said with a wink.

Rick smiled as she twirled away on her toes, and then turned his attention back to his laptop. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe he was thinking too much. There had been twelve other letters, after all, and nothing had happened during all those months. Maybe it was all bullshit and his mind was stuck in fiction mode or needed the distraction. By trade, that's where it lived most of the time, anyway.

The trouble was, where there existed a maybe, there also existed a maybe not.

 **xxxx**

That night, restless sleep plagued him once again, but rather than lay there staring at the ceiling, Rick was up and out with the first light of morning, and with a purpose. The coffee shop opened at 6:30 a.m., and he walked in shortly after, stood in line behind a pair of joggers catching a break from the cold.

He only noted one employee, the woman behind the counter, and it wasn't Nikki, and for her absence he was thankful, because it presented him with just the opportunity he was hoping for.

"Morning, what can I get for you?" she asked when the two before him finished their transaction and stepped aside.

Realizing he hadn't given any thought to the actual coffee part of it all, he ended up blurting out the first thing that came to mind, and it turned out to be something he never usually ordered and didn't really want.

"Lilith, can you tell me if Nikki's working today?" In light of the previous day's encounter, he'd sought out her name tag straight away, and in an effort to preempt any misgivings about an inquiry from a stranger that might well elicit them, he tacked on a tranquilizing fib. "I could've sworn she said she was opening this morning."

She angled her head around the raucous machine spinning between them. "I'm sorry, who? It's impossible to hear over this thing," she said, tapping the grinder.

The noise began to subside and Rick reached for his wallet. "Um, Nikki? I just, I thought she was going to be here, that's all."

Lilith knitted her brow. "We don't have anyone named Nikki that works here. Do you mean Maci? I know she's supposed to come in in a couple of hours."

Rick's face flushed what he imagined must've been cherry red. "Right, yeah, Maci, that's…Sorry, it's really early. Obviously, I haven't had my coffee yet."

He'd tried to make light of it, but nothing about what he'd just learned felt funny.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **W** hen Rick set out from the loft for The Old Haunt that night, winter was already in the air, the force of the biting wind as it lashed against his body making his walk from the subway feel akin to what he imagined attempting to push his way through a block of ice might be like.

He did the same thing every holiday season now that he owned the bar, delivered gift cards and cash to his team in thanks, both because he was a sucker for Christmas and because, despite being its proprietor, he spent almost no time there in any official capacity as such, leaving the beloved treasure of the city and of his past entirely in their hands, and they'd never complained for one second about it, instead caring for it as though it was their own.

"Nice touch with the red and green blinkers, Jonesy." Rick unknotted the scarf from around his neck, smoothed his mussed hair back into place. His bartender slid a hit of whiskey across the mahogany without prompting, and it was swiftly swallowed down. "Eddie in tonight?" he followed, noting the piano absent its regular player.

"Yeah, he'll be here. He had a Christmas thing at his granddaughter's school or something. Haven't seen you in a while, boss. You slumming or what?" he teased.

Rick pulled out a stool and parked. "Why do you think I got all bundled up in this disguise, the weather? I don't want anyone to find out I drink at a dump like this. I'm a world-famous novelist. I have a reputation to uphold." He asked for a beer, raised the bottle in toast when Jonesy obliged, and handed over an envelope with his name written across it. "I'm just here to play Santa Castle for the night, man. Thanks for helping me keep the lights on for another year."

"I appreciate it, boss. Thank you." Jonesy tapped the bottle with his tumbler of ginger ale. "Here's to the next. Oh, and hey, speaking of people who drink at this dump, some girl was in here asking about you last night, wanted to know when you'd be in next."

"Girl?" Rick asked around a sip.

"Well, not a _girl_ , a woman-cute, nice enough. She looked familiar. I'm pretty sure she's been in, but I'd never talked to her before. I assumed the two of you were friends from the way she was talking. I mean, she knew about your daughter and the whole police thing and about Kate." Something obviously came out in Rick's expression, because Jonesy immediately apologized. "Shit, boss, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up."

Rick realized his hand had clenched into a fist in his lap and he released the tension. "No, it's fine. I'm just trying to-"

"Nikki, I think her name was. Yeah, I think that's what she said."

"What?" It wasn't a matter of not having heard it, but of trying to process it, and before Jonesy could get the name out of his mouth again, Rick grabbed his coat and pushed off the stool. "I need to make a call. I'm going to use the office."

"Sure, yeah, it's all yours. Everything okay?"

Without a reply, Rick went off to the back, closed the office door behind him. It had to be her, he thought as he walked an unsettled circle around the tiny room-the coffee shop Nikki, or whatever the hell her name was. She had to be the one, and she'd been standing right next to him just the day before. He'd smiled at her, fucking thanked her, for Christ's sake. Even the remembrance of it had his stomach rolling.

He pulled out his phone, sent a text message to both Javi and Kevin to tell them he knew where the letters came from, though what he knew amounted to, essentially, nothing. He had no name-not a real one, at least-no age, no idea where she worked or lived. She was a brunette, average height, just a ghost with a fucked-up mind, who, apparently, had everything about him and his life catalogued in it.

Javi didn't reply. Kevin was out to dinner with Jenny and said he'd call when they were finished, so Rick left the rest of the gift envelopes on the desk for the staff and went back out to the bar, asked Jonesy to take over Santa duties and took off.

A wet snow had started to fall while he was inside, and it crunched beneath his feet as he headed up the stairs to an empty stretch of sidewalk. When he passed the narrow alley not thirty yards from where he emerged, he felt something hit him in the upper arm, and then hit him again in the back, twice, three times.

Whatever it was burned hot, the sensation radiating as seconds passed, and when he found himself on the ground, when he realized he was on all fours and the crystals of ice on the sidewalk around him were speckled red, he knew he was in trouble.

 **xxxx**

Kate had just succeeded in prying herself out of a much-needed hot shower and climbed into bed when her phone rang again. Unfortunately, that she'd left work and walked through the door at nearly 10 p.m. on a Saturday was her new normal now that she was a fed. No one she worked for ever seemed to acknowledge a weekend, let alone a clock.

She rolled over in the darkness with a huff, saw the caller's name and swiped her thumb across the screen. "Three times, Espo? These better not be drunk-dials. I've been up for almost twenty-four hours straight."

"It's not," Javi said, and right away she knew something was wrong. "It's Castle." As if flipped by a switch, her heart instantly began to pound. "Look, I don't know what the situation is between you two, but I thought you should know. He was attacked on his way out of the Haunt tonight."

"Javi, please don't-"

He didn't even want her to have to say the words. "They're sewing him up, Kate. His mother called me. I'm at the hospital with her now."

Kate's eyes had blurred with tears and she squeezed them free. "Jesus Christ, Espo. What do you mean?" She'd already climbed out of bed, gone to the closet for her travel bag. "What the hell happened?"

"Some nutjob fan's been sending him messed-up letters and following him around for, like, six months, I guess. She jumped on him with a knife tonight, got him in the back and in the arm. A couple of guys chased her off before she could do any more damage. One of them caught her, held her until unis showed up."

"Six months?" She'd only been gone three. "He never said anything to me about any letters."

"You want me to call you when they're done with him?"

She told him to call, and then she packed the bag, got in the car, and drove.

 **xxxx**

By hospital policy standards, Kate wasn't anything to Rick, and that was like a knife of its own. The hour being what it was when she'd finally arrived there, she hadn't wanted to call Martha, so she'd done the only thing she could and flashed her government I.D.

At the nurses' station on the 11th floor, where she was sent and where Rick had been settled, she did so for a second time, earned herself an update on his condition and access to his room. Martha had left a few hours before, the woman at the desk told her, though not without a fight, of course, having proclaimed in dramatic fashion she'd be back the very minute visitors were once again permissible. The whole thing sounded just like Martha, Kate thought. How she missed Martha.

Rick didn't know she was there. She kept herself at a distance and watched him as he slept, his face inexplicably elegant in spite of the hell he must've come through. It'd been three months without him, without the whisper of his voice, without his taste, without his touch, without the missing piece of her heart she'd waited so long for and hadn't yet learned how to live without, and she stood there wondering if his ache could be even a fraction of hers.

She hadn't even stopped to consider it before she'd come, and the fear rushed in like a wave. Maybe he wouldn't want her there. Maybe his eyes would open and he'd see her and wish she was a dream he could blink away. The possibility suddenly felt acutely real. She'd once wrapped her love inside a promise and given it to him out at those swings, but if all that played in him now were the last moments they'd spent together there, would her presence now only inflict more hurt?

Kate stepped back out of the room when her phone vibrated with Javi's text message, but with her eyes weary, rather than go on typing back and forth, she opted to call.

"Yeah, I got here a little while ago. I just saw him." She'd caught the time before she dialed and had to ask. "It's, like, 4:30 a.m., Espo. What the hell are you doing up?"

"This shit has me wired or something. It's a different ballgame when you love the guy. How's he doin'?"

"He's asleep. I'm jealous, thanks for asking," she deadpanned. "The nurse told me he was lucky," she added after a thoughtful pause, sharing nothing he didn't already know. He'd been there, after all. She hadn't.

"Yeah, but we probably shouldn't be surprised. Castle's always been lucky. Bastard." Kate managed a half-giggle, but the weight of it was still there. "You need a place to crash, partner?"

Hearing the word was bittersweet, and she gratefully accepted the invitation.

 **xxxx**

Javi had already been to the gym and returned home later that morning, Kate up again, herself, after only a few hours of sleep, his couch and its too-short-for-her-long-body confines one of the reasons, to say nothing of the relentless throb of her head, born of more hours without food than she could recall.

He'd come back with a bag of fresh bagels under his arm, lucky for her, which now sat empty on the table between them, along with a pot of coffee which, in short order, they'd put a decent dent in.

"Thank you for this," she said before popping her last bite, "and for letting me stay. I appreciate it, Espo."

"I told you, mi casa es tu casa. How long are you sticking around?"

Kate narrowed her eyes at his playful delivery. "Probably just a couple of days. I texted McCord last night to let her know I had to come up, but there's a lot going on right now. It feels like we've been working nine-day weeks."

"You look like it," he ribbed. "Naw, I'm just playing. You still look like Beckett. It's really good to see you around here. I think even Gates misses you. Don't quote me on that, though. She doesn't need any more reasons to be pissed off at me."

"Not much has changed, then, huh? Well, at least you still have Ryan to throw under the bus."

Javi clinked his mug against hers. "I'll drink to that. He makes it so easy."

Off to the side sat a pile of mail and a collection other papers that'd gathered, among them the thirteen letters that'd been sent to Rick. He hadn't yet given them back, but they were to be evidence now, and when they caught his eye, he reached for them.

"What are those?" she asked when it became clear she'd lost his attention.

"They're Castle's letters. When he got the last one, he asked me and Ryan to take a look. They're fucked up, but there just wasn't enough for us to do anything."

Kate had seen guilt in him before, but she knew him, and if someone he loved ever came to him for help, she was sure he'd always do whatever he could.

"The woman obviously isn't right, Javi. People like that are unpredictable. I'm sure Castle took whatever precautions you told him to take. I mean, come on, you know what a good listener he is," she said with what became a shared smile, and when her eyes asked, he handed over the stack. "I just don't know why he never told me."

"I called his mom on my way home. She was already over at the hospital. Alexis was out of town on some ski trip for the weekend or something, but she should be back this morning, too. I guess the doc was in there early and was going to release him. They just wanted to watch him for the night."

Kate's mind flashed to the loft, her second home-its comfort, its warmth, his bed. "I'm glad," she replied, flipping between the letters. "More for the nurses."

"You're going to go see him, yeah? That's why you came all the way up here in the middle of the night."

She let a moment go by. "I just didn't even think, Espo. I just-you called and I needed to see for myself that he was okay, so I got in the car. We haven't said a word to each other since I left. He probably wouldn't even want me here."

Javi shook his head and muttered something unintelligible. "I don't get you and Castle at all. You guys had more love between you than anyone I ever met, including Ryan and Jenny with their puking rainbows all over each other all the time."

"That's charming, Espo."

"So you live in different cities. Who gives a shit? You do what you have to do, man. Come on. After everything, you honestly think he wouldn't want to see you? That's just stupid, Beckett, and you've never been stupid," he said and pushed out of his chair. "Whatever. I need a shower."

When he was gone, her mind swirling though it was, she opened the first letter and began to read.

 **xxxx**

Kate wiped the tears from her cheeks, flipped down the visor and checked her look, found her skin a bright pink with the wind's burn. She'd been out there on the frozen ground for over an hour talking to her, as she always did, this time after too long away. Visiting her mother's grave never got any easier, no matter how many times she did it.

She'd already been to see her father, too, surprised him as he readied for an afternoon out at the stadium for the Giants game with friends, and the brief time she'd spent with him had been everything she hadn't known she'd needed. There were only two people in her life that had the ability to soothe her as he could, to quiet the noise she carried around with her, and by just his presence alone. Rick was the other.

She reached into her pocket for her phone, her fingers stiff from the cold, and pulled up her contact list. Martha's number was still listed there, of course, despite having not been used in months, and after staring at the screen until her eyes blurred, she clicked to dial it.

"Katherine? My word, is that really you?"

The shock in her voice stung like the cold, but Kate pressed through it. "Hi, Martha," she said after allowing the welcome sound of her unabbreviated name to sit for a few seconds in her ear. No one else ever called her that, and she'd forgotten how much she enjoyed it. "Am I-Is now a bad time?" A stupid question she knew, given the circumstances.

"Oh, don't be silly. There's never a bad time for you, darling. It's wonderful to hear your voice. You know, I was just thinking about you the other evening. How strange. Is everything all right?"

"That's what I'm calling you about, actually. I wanted to find out how Castle was doing."

"You heard about…Well of course you did. Javier and Kevin were at the hospital. Boy, I'm telling you, kiddo, you two must have some incredible guardian angels looking out for you because he's doing great, I mean considering. The docs stitched him up and bandaged him up, and with some time he'll be as good as new they say. I've just brought him home, not an hour ago."

Kate didn't tell her she'd been there, that she'd gone to the hospital. "That's great to hear, Martha. It was really scary to get that call."

"I'm sure it was, Katherine. It was for me, too, but Richard is in excellent hands, if those hands do say so themselves. He's going to be just fine."

Up until that very second, she hadn't known if she could go through with it, if she could make the difficult choice, but before she realized what was happening, her heart spoke up.

"Martha, I want to come see him."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **A** ll the days and months gone by since that night she'd come there to tell him, to give herself to him, finally, yet, as though it'd happened just yesterday, she could still feel the tingle inspired by the brush of Rick's tongue along the curve of her neck, hear the relief in their mingled breath, taste the rewards of her surrender.

Kate stood outside his door again on that afternoon filled with equal parts hope and fear, wondering what might greet her when it opened, wondering if it would be the last time. She nerved up, knocked once and waited, a second time when no one answered, until there was Martha, with smiling eyes and arms wide open.

"My stars, look at you. What a sight for sore eyes." She pulled Kate in, held her in tight embrace. "You really do get more and more stunning with each passing day, don't you? It simply isn't fair."

Over Martha's shoulder, Kate had a view of the loft clear to Rick's office, but he was nowhere to be seen. "That's definitely not true, but thank you for saying so, Martha. It's so good to see you. I appreciate you letting me come over. The place looks beautiful." As was their tradition, it was decorated from head to toe for Christmas.

"Oh, you know how Richard is about this holiday," Martha said releasing her. "And, please, Katherine, let you? That's nonsense. You are welcome in this home always." She invited her to sit, offered tea, and returned with a cup for each of them. "Richard is asleep, I'm afraid, so you're going to have to settle for my company until he wakes up. The pain medication the doctor prescribed knocked him right out."

"I can't believe all of this happened. I just wish Rick had told me about the letters. I don't know what I could've done, but I would've tried to do something."

"Yes, well, I only found out the other day, myself. It seems my son decided he could handle things all on his own. Imagine that," she added with unveiled displeasure, gingerly swallowing down a sip of her Earl Grey. "He does that a lot these days."

It wasn't a slight at her. Kate knew that. But the offhanded remark did suggest a change in Rick and, from the tone of it, not a welcome one, and she couldn't help but feel she might bear some responsibility.

"I'm sorry, Martha. I didn't want things to be like this. I didn't want this job to be…"

Martha set her hand on top of Kate's, much like a mother comforting her daughter would. "Hey, kiddo, I may not know much about that new gig of yours, but I'm fairly certain they don't pick just any gal off the street to do it. Clearly, you earned it and you deserved it. No one should make you feel like you need to apologize for taking it. That includes my sweet, gloomy boy."

Kate had to wonder if she knew how much more than the job it'd all been.

"He thought I was choosing it over us, over our relationship, but I wasn't. I was choosing it over standing still. I loved being with the NYPD, but this was an opportunity I never imagined I'd have, and he was the one that helped me feel safe enough and strong enough to make the decision to not let it go by. Why couldn't he just see that?"

Martha smiled softly, shook her head. "The two of you are truly something you know that, with your hard heads and your tender hearts. You tiptoed around one another for so long, Katherine, but sometimes life calls for a damn good stomp." She squeezed her hand. "If you don't want things to be the way they are, change them. You're here now, right? Make him see it. It's only too late when it's too late."

Kate stared down into her cup, allowed the words to percolate. "I've missed you, Martha," she said. "I've really missed you."

"I can't blame you there, kiddo," Martha quipped with a wink. "And the feeling is entirely mutual."

 **xxxx**

The sound startled both of them, and they turned when they heard the squeak, watched as the secondary door to Rick's bedroom pulled open across the way. It'd been nearly two hours since Kate's arrival, she and Martha spending the time catching up on new business and reminiscing about old, some of the memories feeling far older than their years, some as fresh as the blink of an eye.

After a few seconds, he shuffled out from behind it, rubbing his eyes free of their medicated fog, and for Kate, she found-not much to her surprise-that thing that used to happen still happened in an instant.

Even the months passed without its occasion hadn't dimmed its effect on her, the hum of her body the simple act of seeing him across a room sparked. She'd lived with it since the beginning, stopped denying herself the pleasure of it over time, and now welcomed it like a flower a spring shower.

Despite his proximity and to their quiet amusement, Rick didn't seem to notice them, but that was no fault of his own, given what Martha had witnessed earlier. In his state, had someone walked up to him and asked his name, he might've answered incorrectly, she'd said. Were it not for Kate's interference, he might've continued right on past.

"Hey," she called to him, managing to get the simple utterance out more difficult a task than she could believe.

Martha sat and watched the moment unfold like it was some play on a stage, gripped by everything she could hear that wasn't being said with words.

Reminiscent of a child, Rick scrunched his eyes closed, opened them again after a few seconds ticked by. "Not a dream," he said without affect, without revealing his emotional hand. Whatever it was he was feeling, only he knew for sure.

"Glad to see you up and moving around, darling," Martha spoke up when the silence that ensued became too loud. "How's the pain? Any better?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked Kate as though his mother hadn't said a word. Well acquainted with cues, she got up, made her way to the stairs and a stage-left exit, leaving the two alone. "You're in New York." If he could've thought of something better to say, anything at all, he would've.

Kate had already stood, and they'd each unconsciously moved a step nearer. "Espo called me. I just-I drove here." She looked down at the floor, afraid she might break if she didn't. "God, what could've happened, Castle," she all but whispered, and when her eyes came back up, he was already off for the kitchen.

She followed but with a tentative step, remained behind the counter as he pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and chugged it down. "You didn't answer. Is there a lot of pain?" she asked, walking as neutral a line as she could.

"It's not that bad when I'm standing. It's hard to find a comfortable position to sleep in." He twisted the cap back on the bottle. "Sorry. Do you want something?"

"I already had some tea, thanks. I've been here with your mom for a little while. I expected to see Alexis, too, actually. Espo said she was off skiing or something for the weekend. Sounds like fun."

Rick curled his fingers around the edge of the counter, took a minute before he replied. "They had trouble with the rental car. She's on her way. Is this what we're going to talk about, Agent Beckett, my daughter's ski trip? Is that why you're here?"

 _Agent_. Like it was a dirty word, he'd said it, dropped it in neither casually nor proudly, and all at once they'd traveled right back out to the swings and that afternoon three months ago. "So, now you want to talk to me?" Kate responded with a defensive bite of her own. "Look, if you want me to go, Castle, I'll go, but you're going to have to say it."

As he looked into her eyes, it wasn't the ache of his injuries he felt, not the metal as it pierced his flesh, not the cold invading his bones as he lay on the icy concrete, not the pull of the sutures as he rolled over in bed. It was the ache of the chasm between him and the woman he so desperately missed, the one standing just feet away. All the rest of it paled in comparison.

He'd been through it before, more than once, a separation from her measured in months, and each time he'd lived the absence with an exponential grief over what could've been, but even as battered as he still felt from the last blow, he couldn't say it.

"I can't," Rick admitted finally. "I don't."

 **xxxx**

"You cut your hair." It was the second perfectly obvious measurement Rick had made since finding her there, or maybe it was the fifth, he wasn't sure. His brain had somehow come to an even slower crawl with the curveball. "I always liked it short."

With Martha still tucked away upstairs, they'd made their way back to the sofa, the proverbial elephant very much in the room and continuing to grow as their comfort zone of superficial observations screamed toward a drought of material.

"Yeah, thanks. It felt more like the job, I guess, and I don't have a lot of time these days, so this is just easier. You know your life has become really nuts when you don't even have time for your hair." Kate let half a laugh slip out. "What about you? Your mom said you've been busy working on the new Heat book?"

"Busy? That was generous of her," he retorted with a mouthful of sarcasm. "But I am working on it, yes. My muse may be gone, but I'm not going to abandon a commitment."

It was a hell of a kick to the gut, and Kate was left winded, but she reared back when Martha's voice rang in her ears.

 _Sometimes life calls for a damn good stomp_.

"Dammit, Castle, can we stop talking around everything and have a real conversation, please? It's been three months. I fucking miss you and I want us to find a way to fix this."

Rick's eyes widened as he steamed up. "And tell me, what exactly is the fix for man asks woman to marry him, woman refuses and moves two hundred miles away?"

"That wasn't what happened." In a reversal of roles, she now sounded utterly worn. "I didn't refuse to marry you, Castle."

"You didn't? Did I miss something? I don't see the ring on your finger." He pushed himself up off the cushion, his body growing uncomfortable and his blood pumping. "If you walking away wasn't a refusal, Kate, what was it?"

She felt the heat of anger flush her skin. " _I_ walked away? Rick, you were the one who stormed out of my apartment. I tried to explain. I tried to talk to you about the job and you wouldn't listen. Then, suddenly, the next time I see you, you're proposing?" She got up, too, her energy cranked more than a notch. "I mean, we'd never even discussed marriage. I didn't want it to happen like that."

"Like-"

In a terrible bit of timing, that was when Alexis came charging through the door.

"Oh my God, Dad." She threw her bags to the floor and practically flew across the room. "Can I…?" She wanted to hug him, but he took her hand, instead. "I knew something was wrong. I knew there was something you weren't telling me. I can't believe I wasn't here."

"I'm glad you weren't," Rick said with a squeeze to try and bring her to calm. "Besides, it's just a few scratches, and I'll probably have some badass scars to show for it. You know how much I love badass scars."

He glanced over at Kate and she caught it. Her body was the bearer of the most beautiful of all scars, a permanent emblem of defiance in the face of cowardice and cruelty, and her spirit had transformed it into art he still marveled at.

"This isn't a joke, Dad. None of this is funny. I'm not a damn kid, anymore. You should've told me what was going on." Kate turned to move away, to give them time alone, but Alexis stopped her. "I didn't know you were in New York," she said in an unsurprisingly protective tone. When in that mode, they were a formidable pair.

As with Martha, Kate had no idea the extent of what she'd been told, but there was clearly a prickle.

"It's good to see you, Alexis." And it was, despite it appearing less than mutual. "I heard about what happened with your dad. I just came up to make sure he was okay. You two should talk, though, so I can just-" She reached for her coat, but it was Rick who then intervened.

"Alexis, why don't you go let your grandmother know you aren't still stranded on the highway and that you made it home in one piece. She was worried about you. Plus, she's been too quiet up there. That always makes me worried."

She gave Rick a peck on the cheek and Kate some kind of a look. "Fine, but this still isn't funny, and we're not done talking about it," she said before marching up the stairs with a heavy foot.

"Since when does my angelic daughter use words like _damn_?" he joked once she was out of sight, sounding the most himself he had, Kate thought, since he emerged from his room.

She knew he always tried to shelter and protect. She'd been the object of it, both for the better and for the worse, and she'd punished him for it-loved him for it. Deep down, it really didn't surprise her that he hadn't shared the letters with anyone. He created heroes, after all, lived their lives in his head, wanted to be them, to slay dragons. But not all heroes rode alone, and that was something he'd aimed to remind her of time and time again.

"You can't blame her for being upset, Castle. What would she do if she lost you? You're everything to her." A truth understood and shared. "Honestly, when Espo told me about all of this, I was, too. I really wish you'd said something. He let me read the letters. I know when they started."

"Maybe I didn't tell you for the same reason you didn't tell me about D.C. You thought it wouldn't come to anything, right? That's what you said?"

Kate walked around the coffee table and sat, pushed her hands through her hair with a frustrated groan.

"You always have a fucking answer for everything, don't you?" It wasn't so much anger as exasperation, something he often inspired. "Yes, Castle, that's what I said."

"Well, there you go. And, yes, I always fucking do. It's a gift."

She wanted to smile but swallowed it because she couldn't read where they were. "I really did believe that. I never thought they'd offer me the job. Some days I still feel like I have to pinch myself, like it's some dream." Rick didn't offer a reply, but his silence grabbed her and held on. "I didn't want my going to D.C. to be the reason you gave me a ring, Castle. I didn't want it to feel like you were afraid of losing me, so you thought you needed to do the biggest thing you could to hold on. I wasn't choosing to leave you or us. I never wanted that. You just-You never gave me the chance to say it."

Suddenly, from the top of the stairs, came a voice in stage whisper. "Richard?" They both looked up to find Martha peeking around the corner. "Sorry to intrude on the reunion, you two."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're sorry, Mother," Rick gibed.

"I know you're medicated, darling, so I'll forgive the snark," she said louder. "Now then, Alexis seems to have left her phone down there with her things, and she's got her knickers all in a twist about being banished and stuck running lines with yours truly. Might I sneak down and grab it for her as something of a peace offering?"

Knowing Rick shouldn't, Kate went over to the entryway and grabbed Alexis's bags from the floor, slid past Rick on her way to the stairs to deliver them.

"I miss you, too," he confessed in the hush of a breath, but it was enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

" **Y** ou guys made out, though, right? Come on," Javi persisted with an adolescent enthusiasm. "Man, crazy stalker-chick would be pissed if she knew what was up. You should write her a letter, tell her all about it."

Kate chucked the lid of her coffee at him and it ricocheted off his cheek, speckled it with a streak of brown droplets he had to brush away. "You're sick, Esposito. And for the second time, no, we did not make out. We just talked."

It required effort to keep disappointment from creeping into her voice, and she hoped she'd succeeded well enough. "As for that woman, she doesn't have the first damn clue what pissed is. She's just lucky I wasn't the one that came walking down that sidewalk. If I had been, she wouldn't be able to write anything for a very long time."

"Damn, girl, see? I told you. All that love you two got."

She swallowed the final sip of her day's most recent dose of caffeine. There had been several. "If you ever catch me vomiting a rainbow, put me out of my misery," she chaffed with a nod to his earlier remark about Kevin and Jenny, and, checking her watch, scooped her travel bag from the floor. "On that lovely image, I'm going to go. I offered to bring Castle something to eat. Martha mentioned cooking earlier and he told her he would've done better to stay at the hospital, saved himself a trip."

"That's cold," Javi said with a snicker.

"That's self-preservation," Kate deadpanned. "At least I know he's still thinking somewhat clearly after all of this."

"What about your thinking, partner? Sounds like you're glad you decided to go over there and see him."

Rick had held her hand in his before she'd left, and she'd practically melted into his warmth, warmth still alive on her skin as she stood all the way across town. She'd only spent a short while longer with him after Martha's interruption because she'd wanted him to rest, but what she'd hoped for upon her arrival there, she'd been able to take away with her, and there wasn't anything more she could've asked for.

"I am, yeah. With some time, I think we might be able to figure all of this out. Actually talking to each other is probably going to make that a lot easier," she said in jest. "I don't know. Time will tell, I guess, but at least now it seems like we have a start."

"That's all good, but just remember what a real bitch time can be. No one ever knows what's coming around the next corner, like Castle walking down that sidewalk. You, of all people, should understand that, Beckett, so, just, both of you, figure it out and make it right. It's too important."

Kate zipped up her bag and pulled him into a hug. "I loved being your partner, Jav, but I love being your friend more," she told him at his ear. "Thank you for the call and the bagels and the talk…but not for this shitty couch. No offense, but I hope I never have to sleep here again, and I use the word _sleep_ very loosely."

"Love you, too, you sap. Next time, maybe come for a visit when there isn't a stabbing involved."

"I'll think about it. You know I bore easily." They smiled at one another. "I'll text you when I get home."

In the car, Kate looked up the phone number to Rick's favorite deli and called in an order to pick up, left her father a voicemail to let him know how happy it'd made her to see him, and though fatigue had taken up residence in her muscles and her bones, she pushed it aside and headed back to the loft. It was too important.

 **xxxx**

"I know you give me a look every time I say it, but I'm telling you, this stuff belongs in a hall of fame," Rick cooed over his container of gifted chicken noodle, Kate working on her own around a soft grin at his glow. "If there isn't one for soup, there should be. I wonder who I could call." With the thought, he paused and gave her a deliberate once-over. "It definitely doesn't hurt that the delivery girl's hot, either. Wait, sorry, delivery woman."

"You'd probably think a mailbox was hot on those meds of yours, Castle."

He flicked an eyebrow. "Maybe," he said. "Don't judge." Since she'd left earlier, Alexis had returned to the dorms and Martha had gone off on a suitor's arm for dinner, so the two of them were there alone, and there was a palpable and familiar spark in the air. "Hey," he followed, "in case I forgot to say it-or did and don't remember, which is very possible-thanks for coming back and keeping me company. I feel better, already."

The only thing worse than being so far away from him now and not being able to touch him was finally being so close and wondering if she should, and that feeling was torturous, so much so that she couldn't keep it inside.

"This isn't how I imagined seeing each other for the first time would be, Castle. I hate that I don't know if-I just, I wish…"

More often than not, humor was Rick's go-to life preserver, and, as such, that's what he tossed to her.

"You mean your fantasy didn't involve puncture wounds or passive-aggressive cracks or awkward silences? Isn't that every couple's dream reunion?"

Kate got up and began to pace behind her chair. "I'm serious, Castle. I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want us to keep disappearing from each other's lives when things get messy. And I know I've done it, too, but not hearing your voice every day or seeing your face is too hard for me now. I don't have anyone down there. I need to have you here."

When Rick held out a hand she stopped moving. "I'm greedy. I need two things. One is for you to come over here."

"What's the second thing?" she asked sideways without taking a step.

"Now who's greedy? No, first number one, please." He still had his hand outstretched in wait. "And this is my stabbed-by-a-stalker arm, so take pity on a guy, would ya, and make it snappy."

Dubious yet successfully weakened by the emotional blackmail, she moved around to his side of the table, gave him her hand. "You actually might need another kind of medication, too, you know that?" Her calf brushed against his and he nudged it playfully. "So? I'm here." Something in his eyes changed, and she watched it come over him. "Castle-"

"The second thing I need, Kate, is for you to hear me when I tell you the only reason I asked you to marry me is because I love you more than any writer has ever loved a muse, more than any civilian has ever loved a cop, more than any man has ever loved a woman, and knowing you've been thinking anything different this entire time makes me feel ashamed, and I'm so sorry." He opened her palm and pressed his lips to it. "I had lousy timing, and though I'm sure that part came as no surprise, I see it now."

"No, it didn't really," she teased, tracing a finger along the curl of his lips. "Kind of like that time I got shot and you told me you loved me. Also not the best."

Rick used his uninjured arm to encourage her down onto his lap. "My love is the best and you know it, no matter what time it is. Denying it is useless. It's written all over that magnificent face of yours."

"Castle, come on, I don't want to hurt you." She tried to climb off of him, but he grabbed her shirt in a fist and wouldn't let go. "Not more than I already have."

"Hey, look at me. Kate, look at me, please." He went on when she finally acquiesced, her eyes wet with tears. "We need to get better at some things, and you're right. We can't keep doing this." He nudged her chin up. "How about we agree to stop letting crazy people who want to kill us be the reason we say things to each other we should've already said a long time ago. Can we make that a rule from now on?"

She looked off into the room and came back to him. "This sounds like a really weird rule book. Maybe stick to mystery novels. I don't think anybody's going to buy it."

"Ha-ha, and I don't care about anybody else," he said with all earnestness. "Now, are you ready for the third thing I need?"

"Since when is there a third thing?"

His gaze traveled from her eyes to her lips and lingered there. "Since you're this close and I can't wait anymore." Then he kissed her long and soft.

 **xxxx**

Rick heard the key in the lock a couple of hours later, followed by the tap of Martha's heels across the entry floor, and he waved his free arm in the air in an effort to keep her quiet. After their feast of soup and honesty, Kate had curled up and fallen asleep with her head on his lap, his fingers drawing gentle paths through her hair.

"How was the date?" he asked faintly when she came around, her hand finding her heart with the welcome vision of the pair there together. "The guy was wearing a sweater vest, Mother."

She hit him with a look-utterly dramatic, utterly Martha Rodgers. "You should really have a gander in a mirror before you start criticizing another man's appearance, Richard. Honestly, how many wolves were here?" Rick sneered, his fingers still at play. "This looks…better. For heaven's sake, is it possible she's even more stunning when she's asleep?"

"You two can stop whispering," Kate interjected from a slumber that was no longer. "And she's right, Castle. You could use a comb." She sat herself up, and with a yawn because she was powerless to stop it. "I hope you had fun, Martha."

"Thank you, Katherine, I had a lovely time. He's quite the gentleman, and he's apparently an admirer of yours, my son the famous novelist, so let's get those fingers flying across that keyboard of yours again, tout de suite. After all, it looks as though your muse might be musing again, unless my eyes dare deceive."

Rick set his hand on Kate's thigh, gave it a squeeze, and she flinched with the tickle. "I think my muse and I have come to an understanding."

Kate gave him a crook of her head, which Martha observantly spied.

"It seems the ladies are all ears, darling. Do tell."

"Well, from now on, she's going to let me visit her in our nation's capital whenever I'd like and to stay however long I'd like."

Kate's brow crinkled with the news flash. They'd discussed no such thing.

"And what does she get out of the deal?"

"She gets my company, of course. And a few things a man shouldn't say in front of his mother."

"Oh my God, Castle," Kate huffed and sprung up. "You know, I think I need to go. I have a long drive. I should get on the road."

Martha saw the disappointment on Rick's face and gave Kate a hug goodbye. "Please don't be a stranger, kiddo. We miss your light around here," she told her before disappearing upstairs.

"You're really going?" he asked, hoping it'd been a bogus threat. "It's late. You can't leave in the morning?"

Kate sat on the coffee table in front of him, wrapped her arms around his legs. "It's not that late, and I have to be back for work. I'm sorry," she said on his reaction. "We've been trying to close a case for a while and-"

He turned away with a hammy sigh. "No, I get it. I hate it, but I get it, and I guess I need to get used to it since you love me so much and never want to be without me ever again, not even for one day."

She rolled her eyes, precisely what he deserved. "About that 'understanding' of ours, Castle, I think we might need to tweak it a bit. As much as I'd love for you to visit all the time, that's just not going to be as easy as you make it sound. I'm still new with the agency, and I don't have any say in what my schedule is or isn't. Right now, I'm just holding on for dear life."

"Agent Beckett, how many times have I seen you since you moved to D.C.?"

Withholding an immediate answer, she slid off the table and carefully onto his lap. "For the record, I like it much better when you say it like that," she acknowledged with a kiss. It'd been soft and sweet, a far cry from the way he'd used the appellation earlier, like it was some kind of accusation. "And you've seen me zero times since I moved there."

"That's correct, so I suppose as long as I get to see you more than zero times, that'll be a step in the right direction. How about next weekend?" he pressed without a beat.

"How about we let things quiet down some, first? You have all your holiday stuff you guys always do, and my dad's coming down so we can spend Christmas Day together this year. We'll work on trying to plan something, though, I promise. Is that okay?"

Rick sat there unruffled, taking her in, every exquisite line and curve. Three months of hell had been brought to an end by awful hand, but all that was in him was gratitude.

"Mother was right. You are beautiful when you sleep, but it's nothing compared to that smile of yours." He held her tight at the hip. "Look, I know we're going to need time to work through all of this, and I know what happened to me-what could've happened-doesn't just erase everything, but I'm so glad and so thankful you were here. And if I wasn't hindered by drugs or the distraction of having your body on top of mine right now that would've been a lot more eloquent."

Kate angled for his ear and whispered. "I wish I could be on top of you." When she pulled back, his eyes were closed and his lips were turned downward in a frown. "How about this for an understanding?" she said and he flipped open one eye. "Next time we see each other, we only leave the bedroom for water, snacks, or if a meteor hits the city."

"Reminder to self," he mumbled. "Pack a mini fridge."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **S** even weeks of waiting had all but come to an end.

Following her second shower of the day-one wanted rather than needed-Kate used her bath towel to clear a serviceable strip in the mirror's fog, pushed her fingers through her wet hair and smiled without prompting, Rick's imminent arrival, at the close of a week that'd included a day in which she'd absentmindedly worn two different shoes to the office, coming not a moment too soon. For her, in fact, though beyond her control, it was weeks too late, eager a state she'd passed about a hundred exits ago.

With a thorough hand, she smoothed over her skin a purposefully chosen lotion, its scent his proclaimed favorite, dotted a like oil at her more delicate points, and wrapped her body in only a silk robe, opting to forgo the lingerie she'd initially set out, because Kate had both a desire and a plan for their weekend, a combination that already had Rick's will at a supreme disadvantage and his hours ahead well occupied.

They'd found a way to talk and to talk a lot during those weeks together but apart, odd hours of morning and night having become a friend to both, and of those conversations, of the time they'd dedicated themselves to carving out, an entirely new sort of longing had been born.

There had always been a thing between them, even since the earliest days of their conditioned partnership, this language their bodies had spoken, and to have traveled where they'd eventually traveled, to have experienced such intoxication and then the profound loss of it, made the anticipation of its return all the more titillating.

Kate practically floated to the door by the power of her heart's flutter when his knock finally came, her relief unmasked at the sight of him and dripping from her words.

"You said thirty minutes, Castle. It's been thirty-seven. I almost started without you," she purred wickedly.

Her robe was loose, tauntingly so, and Rick's eyes followed the lines of its vee to their convergence between her breasts.

"I'm sure you meant that as some kind of scolding for my tardiness, but I can't even tell you how good with that idea I am. It's freezing out here, though. Do you want me to close the door first, or…?"

Kate tugged him over the threshold, her swiftness offering him little choice but to submit. "Get in here," she said and his bags dropped to the floor. "For a writer, you talk way too much."

His arms curled around her at the waist and he kicked the door closed behind him. With a stumble and a spin, their graceless migration inside was abruptly halted by the kitchen counter, onto which he lifted her body until she was perched along its edge, her legs pinned against the backs of his.

"God, I've missed that smell," Rick said, his teeth grazing her earlobe. "I love that smell." Between efforts for breath following the lengthy kiss that followed, he managed to push out some actual words. "Do I need to pretend to care about a tour or can we-"

"Bedroom, Castle, back there," she broke in, and he carried her off without another word.

 **xxxx**

"You know how people always talk about how they can't believe they ever lived without certain things, and it's usually dumb stuff like Cocoa Puffs or oxygen or whatever?"

Kate giggled out a puff of air and it tickled his chest where her head had settled after he'd slid out of her. "Or Star Wars toys," she quipped.

"Exactly," Rick inadvertently agreed in haste. "Wait, no, because those are not toys and, besides… _Shush_. I can't talk about your body if you're going to interrupt me to answer my rhetorical questions."

"Do you have to talk about it?"

Rick reached around and pinched her lips together. "Hey, I had to wait seven whole weeks for you to invite me down here, so I'm pretty sure I've earned the right to talk about whatever the heck I'd like, and that includes your least favorite topic: You."

"Are you saying what I just did to you in this bed and on that floor didn't make up for that? I don't know. I was there, Castle, and from the sounds you were making, it kinda seemed like it did."

"Like you weren't making sounds," he grumbled in lackluster argument. "And, fine, I won't tell you."

Suddenly curious with his unexpected yielding, Kate let him pout for a minute for fun before gliding her fingers down over his belly and wrapping them around him in a move that made his body shiver.

"Tell me," she demanded, already feeling a twitch herself from his response to her touch.

"No fair. You don't have anything I can grab," he said around a hiss of pleasure. "But, okay, you drive a hard bargain-pun intended. If you leave your hand exactly where it is, I will."

Kate kissed his chest and offered her selfish assurance. "I'm not moving anything anywhere."

"First, for the record or, you know, the future, I might like this game."

"Castle," she snapped.

"Right, so, remember the time we got locked in that basement with the handcuffs and the tiger?" When she looked up at him with a familiar give-me-a-break eye, he moved along. "Well, the first time I finally really got to touch your skin was down there-of your body, I mean, and I was just going to say, as far as living without something goes, I don't know how the hell I managed to make it all this time without being able to do that."

"That's not dumb like Cocoa Puffs, huh?"

"Touching you is many things, Kate. Dumb isn't one of them, believe me. I missed the pleasure more than you know."

She slowly shifted her body until she was fully on top of his. "I took my hand away, but I didn't think you'd mind the trade," she said, seizing his lips in a firm kiss. "And I missed hearing your voice say my name. When you're inside me and it feels so good all you can do is whisper it, there's nothing that turns me on more than that."

Rick met her mouth again, that time at his insistence, and then rolled them over so he was between her legs. "Are you happy?" he asked, resting his chin at her breast.

"Slide up a little and I will be," she replied jokingly before noting his thoughtfulness. "I'm sorry. Am I happy? I don't know, Castle. A lot of things changed in my life really quickly, and they were all pretty big things. Am I glad I took the job? Yeah, I am. It feels good knowing there are people who believe I can contribute something at this level, and so far I actually think I am. But the way it all happened, the things I had to leave behind, that's still hard every day."

He pressed a tender kiss to the scar beside her heart. "I brought you something." Pushing off of her, he climbed out of bed and left the room, returned with one of his bags. "I didn't even realize you'd brought it to the loft, but I found it in the nightstand on your side of the bed. I've had it at my desk ever since." He pulled it out of his things and turned around, and her face instantly lit up.

"I figured it was still in one of the boxes I haven't emptied. I can't believe I left it."

He sat down beside her and watched as she welcomed the memento she and her father had crafted of simple beach treasures back into her life like an old friend. "I'm sure he missed you, too. Maybe he can help you through some of the hard days. There's always a possibility for joy, right?"

Kate freed herself from the tangle of sheets and came for him, held him in her arms in a way she hadn't in too long. "Thank you, Castle. I love that you did this, and I'm so glad you're finally here."

"I am, too." He nuzzled into her neck, relished in her fragrance. "And, if you want to see something truly special, you should go check out what I have in my other bag," he said with a grin.

 **xxxx**

"What did you do, pack rocks, Castle? And why am I carrying this?" Kate came back through the bedroom doorway, still bare and lugging his bag from the other room. Rick was already under the covers, propped up against the pillows, his eyes feasting shamelessly on the splendor that was her statuesque form. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's not like you haven't seen it before."

"Just because I've seen it doesn't make it any less beautiful the hundredth time. Put the bag down. I want to see all of you."

"Come on, Castle. It's cold."

He kicked a leg out and balanced an arm across its angle, looking every bit a lordly victor. "Not from where I'm sitting it isn't, and don't worry, I'll be happy to take care of that for you when I'm done. Besides, I flew all the way down here. Are you really trying to deny me this simple pleasure? Where's the hospitality?"

No man had ever looked at her the way Rick did, or admittedly taken such pleasure in it, and despite her vocal discomfort for the practice, she nonetheless found it impossible to deny him, and often found herself stirred in the process.

Kate opened her hands and the bag fell to the floor, with it, her eyes to the sheet that lay draped across his waist. "Fine, but tit for tat. If you get to enjoy the view, so do I." Without blinking, without hesitating for a second, he unabashedly unveiled the whole of his body in its aroused state for her to see. "Is that for me?" she asked with a playful hunger.

"That's because of you and for you. Thank you and you're welcome."

She tapped the bag with her foot. "What about these rocks? You seemed pretty excited about them a few minutes ago."

"I was excited about sending you to get them. See the distinction?" Rick glanced at the empty mattress beside him. "Now, if you're done ogling me, Agent Beckett, I'd very much like to help you with that temperature problem you mentioned."

"I've never met anyone who enjoyed flattering themselves as much as you do." She took the few steps to the edge of the bed as she talked. "We are going to need to eat something at some point."

As soon as she was near enough, he leaned over and grabbed her, pulled her in. "Trust me, I plan on doing that right now," he said, and she tickled his lips with her giggle.

 **xxxx**

"I'm going to need to buy a new wardrobe if I eat all of this, Castle. Did you clear out the entire garbage aisle at the market?"

Piled at the foot of the bed were the contents of the second duffle Rick had brought, a vast array of snack food packets and bags, surely filled with more than the two of them combined could finish off in months, let alone a weekend.

He chewed what was left of his peanuts and tossed the wrapper over his shoulder. "Hey, I know seven weeks is a long time for a feeble brain like mine to remember something, but you said we'd only leave the bedroom for water, snacks, and destructive astronomical events. I just wanted to make sure we didn't starve in here. Besides, peanuts aren't garbage, and I got your favorites, didn't I?"

"They're covered in chocolate, Castle," Kate countered before licking the salt from her fingertips and stealing a kiss. "You're my favorite. Well, the trail mix then you." He opened his mouth to object and she dropped in one of her M&M's. "So, um, I haven't had the chance to tell you, yet, but I put in for a few days at the end of next month. I thought maybe we could go somewhere, do something together."

Fired up by the news, Rick hooked her by the ankle and drew her into his body. "No _maybe_ , definitely we will. We'll go wherever and do whatever you want. I should be done with the book by then, so it'll be the perfect time. I'll take care of everything." She set a hand on his cheek and he nuzzled into it. "Are you sure you can swing it? The time, I mean."

"I kind of, sort of, maybe, told McCord I had to be in a wedding and couldn't get out of it, so if she calls and asks you, make sure you put your fiction hat on."

"Absolutely, no problem, I'm your man. Actually, I was going to mention I wish she'd stop calling me. It's bordering on unhealthy," he teased, "and I've already had my fill of stalkers with just the one."

Kate reached around his shoulder, glided her fingers over the skin where his attacker's knife had gone in.

"They are pretty badass scars, Castle, sexy, too, but no more for the collection, okay?" She looked up at the ceiling and shouted. "You hear that, Universe?"

He couldn't believe how perfectly she'd teed up the ball for him, and he wasn't about to let the opportunity to swing pass him by.

"It's funny you mentioned a wedding, actually, because I have another little surprise here for you, and I hope it's something else you'll be happy about." He reached behind him, watched her expression change from sunny to startled in an instant.

"Rick."

They'd been in that place once before, and everything had gone wrong, and not that they hadn't been finding their way out of it-as best they could with the obstacle that was the distance between them-but Kate still wasn't entirely sure they were ready to be there again just yet.

"Just trust me. Let me do this," he said and she tentatively met his eye. "Kate Beckett, since the day I met you, I wanted nothing more than be the partner in love you always dreamed of, the man worthy of your extraordinary heart, and I want to spend the rest of my days and years reminding you just how extraordinary it is. I want to help make every tear a smile, every day an adventure, and every wish you've ever had come true, just as you have mine. So…"

When Rick opened his hand and she saw what was hiding inside, a burst of laughter came barreling out of her. "That's a pretzel, Castle," she said with amusement in her voice, if not confusion. "You're giving me a pretzel?"

He'd secretly chewed one of his snacks out of a twist and into as round a circle as he could, the result raw but sweet. "I know it may look like just a pretzel, but it's also a promise. Look, I didn't do this right the first time, Kate, but this pretzel is a promise that I will, and that you won't have to wonder or worry when I do." He tried to slide it onto her finger, but it wouldn't travel beyond her knuckle. "Wait, no, this isn't like an omen or anything. I just-I bought the bite-size packs."

Kate held her hand up, pretended to admire the sparkle. "Sometimes it overwhelms me how much love I feel for you. I still can't explain how the hell that happened," she said in fun, "but I do know it won't ever change."

"In other words you'll love me…" he replied, clearly fishing for something.

She knew what he wanted, yet chose to deny him the swift satisfaction anyway. "Forever? Until the end of time? For the rest of my days?"

He narrowed his eyes, shook his head. "No. No. And no. You're a cruel woman, you know that?" he said as she reached for the nightstand. When she came back up, she was holding the twig figure, and she slipped the tiny oval of pretzel over one of its arms.

"You're both my joy, my dad and you." She smiled softly, then gave in, fulfilled his craving. "Always."

"Ah, cruel but romantic, Agent Beckett," he said before kicking the pile of snacks to the floor and tipping her back onto the bed.

 _ **XXXX**_

To everyone who dedicated their time to reading this story, you have my sincere thanks. I hope you're enjoying all the contributions to the Ficathon, and should inspiration be kind enough to strike again, I look forward to meeting you here in the fanfic neighborhood in the future.

As promised, with regards to revealing the Castle Easter egg I implemented in the piece, I direct your attention to the first letter of each chapter. In them, you'll find a word near and dear to the hearts of our duo and to all of ours. It was just a little extra something I chose to do to make the event a bit more fun.


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